Why?

WHY do i LET them bother me? really. like, i'm in pain right now because i don't have a guy fawning over me.

is this really what i became in england? is this really who i've become? i mean, REALLY.


NO. I am not letting this happen. I am a strong, independent woman who does not NEED a guy in her life, but simply likes HAVING one.

but let's face it, all the guys who have every thought of me in a "she's hot" kind of way where it would lead to a relationship are in england. and i treated them terribly.

American guys want ass. I know this. American guys are not getting my ass. it's really a basic equation:

guy who wants ass + kelly wanting relationship = kelly single

and it's not like I don't have prospects here but, see above equation, and i'm still single. The worst part is, now my mother is in on it. and I know she was already engaged at my age, but i can't see myself engaged [lie]. I do want to get married but not right now [truth]. it would just be nice to be able to say, "well, my boyfriend..." or have a text waiting for me when i got out of work, or even him just showing up and making me smile.

i'm trying to be single, really. but i hate it.

i hate it here.

i hate being alone and scared and stuck. god help me if i am stuck here for good.

No. I am part slytherin. I have ambition. Hellooooo, Bloomsbury internship, potential fall internship, classes to get me graduating [4/5 this semester], drive. i have drive. i have job that will not only send me to england, but to michigan and california. i have friends who love me.

it would really just be nice to be with a boy again.

even if he was 3,500 miles away from me.




TODAY IS AWESOME BECAUSE: I got to actually think about marketing books. and then i realized that i should probably go into publicity.