fuck it.

i can't not write about this anymore. i miss macon. i really do.

everything was perfect when we were together. i was happy, england was just the perfect amount of days away, i wasn't worrying about money or airplanes or the fact that i'm 20 and still a virgin.

now, we're down to 96 days, i have no money, i have to live by myself and cook for myself, i'm convinced i'm going to die in an airplane crash and I'M 20 AND STILL A VIRGIN.

the last one is really getting to me. i mean, i'm attractive. i'm nice. i'm smart. so why have i had only gay boyfriends or sucky boyfriends? why can't i land a perfectly nice boy who i can fall in love with and have sex with? why are people who are uglier than me had sex and I HAVEN'T?!

why do i care so much?

i've said "I" 21 times in this post so far. and it's not very long. I'm so caught up in myself and my life and the fact that i'm a virgin, that i can't be happy for someone who was just told by her FWB that he likes her. and she has liked him for a while. i should be happy for my friend. this is great. but i'm not.

i suck. i miss macon. i'm terrified of going to england.

Yellow Knight, wherever you are, please come take me away. Far, far away from this horrid life. Oh, and will you please sleep with me?




i totally should have given him my number.

yeah, i'm failing this weekend.